Totes Hawty

There have been a lot of deaths in america lately: the death of the american economy, the death of the ‘american’ ocean n sea creature bbs, the ‘death’* of american soccer, the death of our african american ‘little person’ fame-whore franchise,** and most importantly the death of the man who basically birthed america, or at least the way it eats breakfast,  Jimmy Dean.

Jimmy Dean (1928-2010)

first and for most it must be said that he is, of course, a TOTES HAWTY…look at his generally flawless/classic good looks—the high cheek bones, that smile, the cowboy hat, that Rowlf***, mmm that chocochip pancake wrapped ‘round his snausage. 

BUT srsly, I know mr. dean is best known for his sausages (he knows it too, in fact he named his autobiography 30 Years of Sausage, 50 Years of Ham: Jimmy Deans Own Story:****)  But Jimmy Dean has done far more for our society than just feeding us in the early’s. 

His career started out big in radio—he was the host of his own country music show called Town and Country (where Patsy Cline got her first start!!!!!). He had a couple of big chart toppers in the 60’s and landed his own variety show on ABC, then he spent most of the 70’s and early 80’s drinking heavily and abusing his wife…oops, did i kill any one’s father’s day buzz? sry guys, this ones on me. 

love always, 

emmieemmiemmiemmiemmie

*foreshadowy? 

**gary coleman, and yes, I am aware that that happened almost a month ago…but i’m still reeling (in the years) from it. 

***has ROWLF some how evolved into ROFL???—something to look into.

****make of this title what you will…my thoughts on what it could possibly mean are still circulating in my bwains.  Also my copy of the book is still in the mail so I’ll let y’all know what the deal is after I read that shit cover 2 cover.

COWBOYS. COWBOYZ. COWBROS. COWBRAS.

Cowboys are HOT. They have always been HOT. And they will always be HOT. ALWAYS. Why?

1. Ruggedness?, 2. “Devil-may-care” attitude?, 3. Dying early AKA they are 4ever young?, 4. Passion for everything they do AKA “living life to the fullest”?, 5. Air of mystery?, 6. outlaw status…every girl likes a bad boy? 

Who is the totes most hawtest cowboi? John Voight in Midnight Cowboy doesn’t count. That guy in Justified on FX doesn’t count either. Ginuwine, nope. I am interested in the hawtest one of the Old American West… and it is hard because some of these bros only ever had their picture taken once or never at all.

The contenders: 

• ROBERT FORD:

babyfaced, which is cool if you like that. being “the man the shot jesse james” he had to be brave since james was both his personal hero and a total babe. or, he just wanted the $10,000 bounty on JJ’s head. Bobby Ford…Brave Babe or Immature Loser?

• BILLY THE KID (1859-1881):

You know the legend. But do you know what he looked like? Neither do I, really. But imagine him: 

He was described as being relatively tall with blue eyes and a smooth complexion, a “neat” dresser who like wearing sombreros, bullet studded belts, vests, scarves, and heavy knit sweaters, scrunchy suede boots and a ring on his pinky (basically how I liked to dress freshman year of college). The guy had style, okay?

Frank Coe: “The Kid was a thousand times better and braver than any man hunting him”.

HAhawT.

• TOM McLAURY: 

The Corral was OK and so was his ability as a gunfighter. But we like his intellectual look.

• DOC HOLLIDAY:
  

Denist, Gambler, Gunfighter and buddy of Wyatt Earp. His favorite phrase was, “I’ll be your Huckleberry.” Cool.

• WYATT EARP
  

The longest living yet. Love his hair and his facial structure but could do without the soul patch…but that’s my personal taste.

• JESSE JAMES 

TOTES HAWTY.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Who is the totes most hawtest cowboy?

Why do you like cowboys?

Who have I missed?

Yours Truly,

VICKIvictoria

Who better to spend your mother’s day with than totes hawty stay at home dad, Prince Albert???

He would have made mother’s day so special.  i bet he would have brought Queen Victoria* breakfast in bed or maybe he would have promised to watch the kids while she got a little “me time” at the nail salon.  he’s so great like that. 

but seriously he really was not allowed to have any actual royal duties** so he became a “stay at home hawty”—looking after their 9 children, helping abolish slavery and teaching poor bb’s how to read one hawt day at a time.  Albie once said, “I am only the husband, not the master in the house”—sounds to me like he knew who was in charge and i dont hate it.  

thought: was prince albert the lucy to queen victoria’s ricky? or maybe something more sleek n sexy (and less “ethnic”) like the betty to her don draper?

once albie hit the scene queen v could not deny the “ladywood”: “[Albert] is extremely handsome; his hair is about the same colour as mine; his eyes are large and blue, and he has a beautiful nose and a very sweet mouth with fine teeth; but the charm of his countenance is his expression, which is most delightful.”

mmmmm fine teeth!!!!! HAWT STUFF!!!

actually that whole thing that queen v and albie had going was sweet.  they were born in the same year and came into the world with the help of the same midwife—aint that just romantic as farts***??? like its just pure unadulterated kismet to the skull.  also they were cousins so their “hook-up” was totes unavoidable… like they couldn’t help but flirt a little at thanksgiving, retirement parties, graduations and stuff. 

also you know that infamous “down there” piercing ; )  that  shares his same name? well supposedly he had one “in order to tame the appearance of his large penis in tight trousers”****  enough said, right? PRINCE ALBERT IS A TOTES HAWTY.  

love, 

emmieshouse 

*what up vickivictoria!!!! y’all got the same name!!!!!!!! 

**doodies 

***as fate

****wankerpedia strikes again!!!!